CLASSIFICATIONS OF CWC-SESSIVE DISORDER
WHERE DO YOU SCALE? Read more to find out!
*Note: I was going to color these but my flesh-colored Copic finally ran dry in the middle of the first panel.
LEVEL 4: ORDINARY HUMAN BEING [Initial exposure]
If you currently spend time on the internet average to most western society dwellers, you inevitably have come into contact with the titanic web presence of Christian Weston Chandler. Whether it be a mention of his name on a forum, or a brief, non-contextual glimpse of a jpeg depicting a yellow Sonic the Hedgehog with Pikachu ears and tail, you have crossed e-paths with him in some way, shape or form. Most people at this level (everyone in existence sans the rest of this list) never venture further, as they take this experience to be yet another negligible piece of trivia in the vast sea of inane information that is the world wide web. For a small percentage of tube-dwellers, this is where the infection begins.
LEVEL 3: WITNESS [Preliminary mental contamination]
A level held by virtually every goon, /b/tard, EDiot, Tartlet, etc. The visage of an overweight, bespectacled, ungroomed man in a striped polo shirt wearing a yellow medallion bearing the likeness of Sonichu is familiar to you. When people refer to “Chris-chan” or “CWC”, the reference carries weight. Whether stumbled upon by yourself or introduced by another carrier, you have most likely browsed his ED page or followed a link to CWCki. To you, Chris-chan is fucking weird and silly. Sonichu is yet another sonic re-color and looking at CWC’s art hurts your eyes. Either way, you’ve seen weirder. Life goes on…
…for most of you.
LEVEL 2: RESEARCHER/OBSERVER [Incubation stage]
Upon learning more of CWC, you experience a spectrum of unsettling emotions. You are initially baffled and repulsed with what you have observed, yet at the same time you find much of it hilarious. Above all else, you are intrigued, not just by CWC himself, but also the efforts many have gone through to study him and the sheer amount of material they have produced. You have read most of his ED articles, watched a few of his youtube videos and perused several pages of a wiki on him. You can name, by memory, most of the trolling sagas that took place. To you, Christian Weston Chandler is a tragic circus. Be it autism, asbergers, or whatever mental disorder afflicts him, you find yourself swinging between pity and amusement at his increasingly bizarre antics. Perhaps you have even crafted some Sonichu “fan” art. At this stage, more ambitious and sadistic CWC followers will begin attempts at trolling him.
LEVEL 1: HISTORIAN [Carrier stage]
The life and times of CWC are no longer mere amusement to you. Your infatuation borders on obsession. You have read every piece of material concerning Christian Weston Chandler you can get your hands on, and eagerly await more. CWCki has joined the list of forums, news sites and webcomics you check regularly when you open your web browser. You have read all of the Sonichu comics you can bear and Asperchu in its entirety (most likely mourning its current lack of updates). You find yourself putting on playlists of his Youtube videos in the background while you work. You feel a strange kinship with other CWC enthusiasts and their compulsion to study this being. Efforts to troll him by others aggravate you, not out of sympathy, but the fact that outside forces are interfering with your ability to observe him in a controlled environment. You no longer view CWC as human. To you he is a walking, breathing avatar of all of Generation Y’s social cancers brought together in a nightmarish singularity. His continued existence baffles you. You feel as though you comprehend it, but you do not truly grasp the nature of your infatuation. It seems as if there is some deeper truth, some great mystery explaining the very core of humanity to be solved within that greasy red and blue striped thrift store shirt. This is where the condition becomes terminal.
LEVEL 0: CHRONICLER/ARCHIVIST [Terminal stage]
You no longer seek the answers present in the ethereal plane of CWCville. They are beyond you. Your only hope is to provide others with as much information as possible, so that future generations and potential superior minds may unravel the riddles of Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo. Every shred of lore you unveil makes its way to whatever existing wiki that will accept it. Although you could never bring yourself to wish harm upon Chris-chan, you silently pray you outlive him so you may one day fight with your kindred madmen over the rights to publish his biography. You sometimes ponder the fact that this man, who will never even know you existed on the same planet as him, is completely oblivious to the fact that you know him better than your own close friends and family. Your work has just begun.
May GodJesus have mercy on your soul.
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